milk and honey

It's been a long road but we're finally here. The book has finally found its way to my hands. And I am swallowing it. It took me 5 minutes to get through the first set of poems - the hurting. The book is magical. And I feel an even stronger connection with the author. Milk and honey is amazingly straight forward yet private, simple yet complex. Balanced.


   ~ a quick post with a sentimental meaning

My first kiss with art,

I've always wanted to create under the influence of strong emotions but obviously I had to wait for them to snowball onto my consciousness. Well today was the day the avalanche has come. After several panic attacs this week I've had enough. You always see these tumblr posts about how painting can keep you away from negative thoughts, forms of self-harm, anything self-destructive really. Basically articles indicating art's healing purposes. Today was the day I gave the idea a shot. So I pulled out all of my art supplies and poured my feelings onto a canvas. A canvas dedicated to a completly different cause. A cause well planned. An idea. A concept of profanating arts in order to find novelty. I gave up my "try-hard innovator" attitude and really reflected myself. I am what's on the canvas. My paper thin visage in a visible, materialistic form. My feelings, thoughts, fears and auto reviews on full display. A very public, nude reflection of my soul.

The experience itself was very similar to "catharsis". As the paint was escaping the tube, my deepest, best-hidden emotions were escaping as well. The creation process of the piece was what has brought its title to mind. "My first kiss with art". My hands truly shaking, my eyes chaotically sweeping the surface & my breath gradually quickening. The experience was so deep and raw it was unlike any other creation process I have ever went through.

I decided to show what I was unable to say. And it is for the first time that I truly feel connected to the piece I have painted. It shows a supernova explosion, agitated ocean, the dance of defeat in "Wedding" and grains of sahara sands. It's brush strokes, swatches made with a spatula and nails scraping the canvas. It's an unworded complection of  a self relieved from a cage-like bodily structure.